LOL

HERE IS THE STORY OF MY CHRISTMAS

^^THIS IS MY NEW BOYFRIEND.^^
THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. so far.

 

THEN WHAT HAPPENED:

 

ALSO:

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Sweet dreams are made of this

SUCROSE SALVATION:

shit dudes quit reading this trash

It's not like I go around saying I'm punk anymore, but when you grow up with a bunch of punks, you live under an unspoken code of conduct and rules that seem to stick on your ribs like the fattiest stufft crust cheezza. And even after you've digested a whole bunch of bullshit, that punk fat is still there except its evolved past your ribcage and has traveled into your DNA.
It's all kind of a joke now but I know one true punk can sniff out another, like a junkie on the street. We're still around and just because some of us have traded our safety pins for Banana Republic, we can still find our brethren. In turn, just because someone trades their Banana Republic for safety pins, we can sniff out posers too. Especially when the safety pins are made by Balenciaga (Banana Republic would have sounded better in that sentence, but I doubt that company makes safety pins).
Without going into further explanation (punks don't feel the need to explain) I will say that "being embarrassed" is NOT PUNK.
Embarrassment is for the weak. Embarrassment is clearly stating "I care about what you think of me, even if you're a total stranger."
I won't lie and say I don't care what other people think of me, of course I do. If I didn't, I'd wear Juicy sweatsuits everyday because they're mad comfy. Fuck it I'd wear sweatpants. I don't because I care what people think. Mostly my friends, people who might offer me a job, and not to mention I like to feel good about myself--which happens to be punk.
Does that mean I won't leave you a voicemail of nonsensical grunts and giggles if I feel like it? No. And if it embarrasses you then go find tickets to a Taylor Swift concert and get off my fucking stage (punks say "fuck" whenever they want).
Sometimes we get loud and obnoxious. Sometimes we get "inappropriate." That's how we live. Maybe you're reading this right now and realizing that you are in fact punk and you didn't even know (not very punk but we'll let it slide).
Another punk thing to do is contradict yourself and feel ashamed and dumb and confused and say the wrong things, but tell the world anyway because bottling shit up and pretending it never happened in such an ugly way isn't for punks at all. It's for boring people who hate things that are ugly and off-putting and weird and not always easy to understand. Or stupid. Or smart. Or sloppy. Or apologetic.

my ghost-writer is fired

SOPHIE'S IN & OUTS:

IN:
-Coloring book style tattoos. Maybe I should update mine into a paint by number. Okay wait, solid black line tattoos are out unless there are numbers in each section.
-Unibrows.
-Capri 120's Luxury Length Super Slim cigarettes. They look classy and have a super sweet drag to them. Also, people don't want to bum them very often because they feel ridiculous. Being ridiculous is IN.
-Making your own silly pervy t-shirts. Especially if made with toxic inks and puff paint.

-Short shirts on girls. Can we PLEASE bring this back? They look hella good with high-waisted jeans which are also IN. Also XXXL shirts are in and if you wear enough of them you will be 100 pounds heaver.
-Selling your panties on craigslist and not getting caught. Writing me missed connections on craigslist. Getting free shit off craigslist or anywhere.
-Thermal underwear and multiple pairs of them at once. This has saved my ass from falling off SO MANY TIMES.
-Not complaining about the weather is also VERY IN. I know it's cold and I don't need to you to remind me.
-Getting money from your parents after age 18.

-Sensational Spelling. Slang. SoCal oldies.
-Satirical satanic symbolism.

- The word bastard.
- Triangles & Hyper cubes, but i don't know why

OUT:
-Swoshy bangs. I've got to be blunt and this haircut has to die.

BUT BLEACH BLOND HAIR IS VERY VERY VERY VERY in DUHHHHH.
-Hairy armpits. Come on girls, this might have been a statement for our parents generation, but we get the point. You are an empowered, liberated woman who doesn't need to comply with conventional aesthetic norms to be beautiful? It looks like you've got pussies under each arm. If your arms and chest are completely covered in hair you shouldn't shave your armpits, but armpit hair looks nasty if you're not Sasquatch. Also, those hairs are basically stanky odor retainers. Okay, you don't have to shave 'em completely, but at least trim that shit please.

-Fake mustaches on girls. Exception: doing it Hulk Hogan style, that's thrash. Also, waxing your body ANYWHERE is straight up masochism which is OUT. Men shaving anywhere but their face is OUT.
-Leather jackets. It's practically impossible to wear one without looking like a douche bag. Exception: leather jackets in bright colors, MAYBE.

- Ironic 9/11 t-shirts apparently?
-Gluten Allergies. They were the new fixed gears for a while, but you are crappy and crabby and obnoxious if you don't eat pizza & donuts. Pizza & donuts are IN.

 

I went to the rock show but my #1 crush wasn't there so I stood outside and ember to assed it, walked home to jerk off.

Did you know if you send soiled panties via USPS they are classified as BIOLOGICAL WASTE? 

I tried to sell used panties but they were flagged and removed from craigslist.com within 30 minutes.

Here are some of the replies I got in that 1/2hr:

Clifton McReynolds askes: "you can send a pic of your underware that you have forsale?" and  "just emailed asking for pic. how do you send your underware and do they still have any sent on them"

KMo1695779@aol.com: "let's see what you have to offer" and "Ok, are you different than the same ad from Seattle? if so, let's see what you have"

Milkman5am says: "No not unlegal sale used panties with germs smell yucky."

Craigslist says:

flagged & removed: 1498090695 (general) Slightly Used Panties

---

Your posting has been flagged for removal.
Approximately 98% of postings removed are in violation of craigslist posting guidelines.
Please make sure you are abiding by all posted site rules, including our terms of use:
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If your posting was wrongly flagged down (2% of flagged ads are) please accept our apologies and feel free to repost.
Sorry for the hassle, and thanks for your understanding.

brotally brosessed

these are really embroassing & consciously bad
brolimic
brokemon
nintendbro
maribro
broshi
casibro
brotice
brofile
brolific
brodom
debrodorant 
conbrosation
brostbrodern brose broetry
broganic
broca broger
broca-brola
bro'douls
metabrolism
brocaine
aphbrodisiac
brogasm
bronography
bromiscuous
brocreate
missed bronnection
vasectbromy
barack brobama
lindsey brohan
georgia  bro'keef
vincent van bro
bromones
brock n' broll
bro jams
minnebrota
broling alley
brody and the beast
bromometer
broken hymen



what are your favorite broism? 
 ^^that's a link^^

my mom says this blog is not interesting

I couldn't agree more:

 

hold tyte

In a moments notice I'm going to tell you true things about growing up.
Standby.

i'm going to get dead alone

I want to eat but I have no hunger. Fucking airport bullshit yesterday. Got there 4 hours before my flight departed with 4 cigarettes to my name and rapidly chain smoked my stock. Felt ultra insane after 2 sleepless nights. Sleep deprivation induced hallucinations. Tumultuous Turbulence. Feared for my life. Silence. Deep sleep. Nicotine withdrawals. Extreme agitation. Got home and did my best to explain "what are you doing with my life?" So many dogs with bad hair cuts; I can't even count them. Roof jumpers, all of them.Buddha is the best boy. My own haircuts keep getting worse. It doesn't take any confidence to look like a hot mess. Much Needed Sleep. Fucked up frightmares involving my mom getting knocked up by my brother, anti-abortionists, failed attempts at cruise ship escape, trying to borrow a camera to take pictures of professional wrestlers, violently sucking face of former fuck. Woke up to an empty house. No cars. Silence. My mom buys me cigarettes. "Do I look thinner?" You look... You look... You look. New teeth. Mine are falling out of my face. I don't want them anymore. "It hurts to be pretty." Trying really hard not to snark.

many layers of shit

OH NO I FOUND OUT PEOPLE READ THIS AND NOW IM SCARED TO SAY REAL THINGS.

Here are things that were drafts before and now they're public. Imbare-assed.

I don't know my fucking head from my ass and I usually don't know what hole I'm talking out of either.

If you hate what we do, quit looking. We're going to keep doing it, so you can either stop paying attention or continue to subject yourself to it and talk shit about it (because it's easiest thing to do). Do it to my face. I'm into that. There's not enough sincere critiquing happening around here anymore or ever. No one wants to call anyone out on their blatant bullshit or be subjected to the possibility of hurt feelings, god-lust forbid. Everyone is trying to save face/facade. I am not exempt. my ass is leaking. my janky ass meat curtains are flapping away. i just want to pound a fucking salt lick. OKAY I NEED A CIGARETTE NOW. NOW I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY.


Hypothesis: I will not find what I need at a party.
Experiment: Attend multiple social gatherings in 4-7 hours. Socialize.
Observations: Occasional networking, increase in rate of cigarettes smoked per hour, exchange of jokes, ingested fluid, bodies: sexual frustration or not, hook & break ups, music often accompanied by dancing.
Conclusion:Confusion

I don't think I'm very good at parties. I don't know how to act/function in social settings. I went to a party and I think some of the people there might attend college. I witnessed and participated in the discussion of COLLEGIATE TOPICS
What do you want to talk about? I've got OPINIONS:
On Jungian psychology. Nietzsche's philosophy. Post-modern literature. Performance art. Modern shock value. Black comedy. Russ Meyer's exploitation films. Paraphillia. Socio-cultural perspective. constructivism vs objectivism vs humanism vs positivism vs realism. Gendered discourse. Drug culture. Pop country punk noise rock bands. Popular Culture. Nostalgia. Personal Experience/History. The INTERNET vs. TV. Existential angst. ET CETERA.  ET CETERA.  ET CETERA.
Still, I'd rather not share them with you. Because I'm scared and stupid.
So lewd jokes, jaded cynicism and poppin' wits are the old-standbys.
I just want to have a good time and get fucked doing it.


i bet neurotic chaotic insomniac agoraphobics make awfully awful roommates. there's a lot of things i want that i haven't figured out how to get yet. like, i want to sell dick for a living. when i said i think of sex i meant i dream of you. when i'm in your dreams i don't tell you you're in mine too. i exhale secrets through cigarette smoke. these lifetimes are a pocket or a seed or a chain. i ain't got nothing but it. you say 'let's make this last forever.' i say 'take care' when i really mean 'fuck me'. i shut the fuck up. please SHUT THE FUCK UP. i walked all day with your cum in my cunt and cried in my pizza. keep your dick down my throat so you've got nowhere else to go. give me head or give you death. your tongue works harder than my heart. she would be nothing without him inside of her. dick me, dick me so hard i can't scream: some girls scream sex; i can't even whimper. &i'mn't quiet. i want to be it-girl. i want to be that girl. i want to beat that girl and i sweat and i don't get mad, i get manic and i don't get sad, i'm synthetic. my mama was a beauty queen, my daddy is a deadbeat. mama said 'it hurts to be pretty.' mama knew being pretty hurt. i heard pain is pretty. i get caught up in the personal romance of it all.

rip her 2 shredz

*I am definitely down with the sickness*
Gotta get well so I can meet you, baby:

THAT'S MY GODBABY! Right now she just looks like a baby but someday she's going to be a real person.


I share my bed with spiders. Get fucked. Id suck your dick just for the missed connection. LOLzzz




"THE WORLDS GREATEST BOOGIE BAND"::

I'm going to be true to you

Well what the shit. Things are happening and I'm totally stoked on them.
My god-daughter was born November 14, 2009 @ 8:24 central standard time. Aurora Noel. I get to meet her next week. I'm completely overjoyed.

Tyler & I got our slut on @ Jake's Amateur Strip Contest. He went 1st & I went 3rd. The judging was three hours later and neither of us won. Tyler did some sick acrobatic jamz on that poll and I fell of the stairs in my doll-faced pasties. IM-BARE-ASSED. Father fucking shot2theface pt.2 why is this our fate?!

In heavier news, I'm on a gnarly mother fucking baking kick. 2nite was dark chocolate craisin almond zucchini muffinz. goddamn delicious. The power went out shortly after devouring them and we had a seance for Ronald Reagan. Doors started mysteriously shutting and shit got hella conservative up in here. FRRRREEEEAKY. anyway, it was very romantic. ,,, & IPOD shuffle was EERILY synchronized with my dome wavez. I was feeling ultra nostalgic and romping around the house in the dark like Jason & I used to do when we didn't pay our bills. When we made a wall of furniture and camped in the living room to keep the heat in. When we spent the day at the panadería eating churros con chocolate. Before the days of "Want sex? Got sex!"
Smut'z about to be distributed @ Danger Room and we're going to make $300,000,000.....just enough to buy Playboy and merge the two companies into Playsmut.Watch out, we're bout to be RICH BITCHES.
Sometimes I get real stubborn and disobedient and I don't want to acknowledge or admit to myself the extent that things have improved in the last 90 days. People trust me with their children now. Ok, these people are mostly homeless tweakers with no other choice, but I wouldn't have been willing to give up my time before.
HERE'S THE THING I LOVE YOU.


OH WOW I ALMOST 4GOT 2 SHOW U THE THINGS. HERE THEY ARE: