my ghost-writer is fired

SOPHIE'S IN & OUTS:

IN:
-Coloring book style tattoos. Maybe I should update mine into a paint by number. Okay wait, solid black line tattoos are out unless there are numbers in each section.
-Unibrows.
-Capri 120's Luxury Length Super Slim cigarettes. They look classy and have a super sweet drag to them. Also, people don't want to bum them very often because they feel ridiculous. Being ridiculous is IN.
-Making your own silly pervy t-shirts. Especially if made with toxic inks and puff paint.

-Short shirts on girls. Can we PLEASE bring this back? They look hella good with high-waisted jeans which are also IN. Also XXXL shirts are in and if you wear enough of them you will be 100 pounds heaver.
-Selling your panties on craigslist and not getting caught. Writing me missed connections on craigslist. Getting free shit off craigslist or anywhere.
-Thermal underwear and multiple pairs of them at once. This has saved my ass from falling off SO MANY TIMES.
-Not complaining about the weather is also VERY IN. I know it's cold and I don't need to you to remind me.
-Getting money from your parents after age 18.

-Sensational Spelling. Slang. SoCal oldies.
-Satirical satanic symbolism.

- The word bastard.
- Triangles & Hyper cubes, but i don't know why

OUT:
-Swoshy bangs. I've got to be blunt and this haircut has to die.

BUT BLEACH BLOND HAIR IS VERY VERY VERY VERY in DUHHHHH.
-Hairy armpits. Come on girls, this might have been a statement for our parents generation, but we get the point. You are an empowered, liberated woman who doesn't need to comply with conventional aesthetic norms to be beautiful? It looks like you've got pussies under each arm. If your arms and chest are completely covered in hair you shouldn't shave your armpits, but armpit hair looks nasty if you're not Sasquatch. Also, those hairs are basically stanky odor retainers. Okay, you don't have to shave 'em completely, but at least trim that shit please.

-Fake mustaches on girls. Exception: doing it Hulk Hogan style, that's thrash. Also, waxing your body ANYWHERE is straight up masochism which is OUT. Men shaving anywhere but their face is OUT.
-Leather jackets. It's practically impossible to wear one without looking like a douche bag. Exception: leather jackets in bright colors, MAYBE.

- Ironic 9/11 t-shirts apparently?
-Gluten Allergies. They were the new fixed gears for a while, but you are crappy and crabby and obnoxious if you don't eat pizza & donuts. Pizza & donuts are IN.