LOL

HERE IS THE STORY OF MY CHRISTMAS

^^THIS IS MY NEW BOYFRIEND.^^
THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. so far.

 

THEN WHAT HAPPENED:

 

ALSO:

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%

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Sweet dreams are made of this

SUCROSE SALVATION:

shit dudes quit reading this trash

It's not like I go around saying I'm punk anymore, but when you grow up with a bunch of punks, you live under an unspoken code of conduct and rules that seem to stick on your ribs like the fattiest stufft crust cheezza. And even after you've digested a whole bunch of bullshit, that punk fat is still there except its evolved past your ribcage and has traveled into your DNA.
It's all kind of a joke now but I know one true punk can sniff out another, like a junkie on the street. We're still around and just because some of us have traded our safety pins for Banana Republic, we can still find our brethren. In turn, just because someone trades their Banana Republic for safety pins, we can sniff out posers too. Especially when the safety pins are made by Balenciaga (Banana Republic would have sounded better in that sentence, but I doubt that company makes safety pins).
Without going into further explanation (punks don't feel the need to explain) I will say that "being embarrassed" is NOT PUNK.
Embarrassment is for the weak. Embarrassment is clearly stating "I care about what you think of me, even if you're a total stranger."
I won't lie and say I don't care what other people think of me, of course I do. If I didn't, I'd wear Juicy sweatsuits everyday because they're mad comfy. Fuck it I'd wear sweatpants. I don't because I care what people think. Mostly my friends, people who might offer me a job, and not to mention I like to feel good about myself--which happens to be punk.
Does that mean I won't leave you a voicemail of nonsensical grunts and giggles if I feel like it? No. And if it embarrasses you then go find tickets to a Taylor Swift concert and get off my fucking stage (punks say "fuck" whenever they want).
Sometimes we get loud and obnoxious. Sometimes we get "inappropriate." That's how we live. Maybe you're reading this right now and realizing that you are in fact punk and you didn't even know (not very punk but we'll let it slide).
Another punk thing to do is contradict yourself and feel ashamed and dumb and confused and say the wrong things, but tell the world anyway because bottling shit up and pretending it never happened in such an ugly way isn't for punks at all. It's for boring people who hate things that are ugly and off-putting and weird and not always easy to understand. Or stupid. Or smart. Or sloppy. Or apologetic.

my ghost-writer is fired

SOPHIE'S IN & OUTS:

IN:
-Coloring book style tattoos. Maybe I should update mine into a paint by number. Okay wait, solid black line tattoos are out unless there are numbers in each section.
-Unibrows.
-Capri 120's Luxury Length Super Slim cigarettes. They look classy and have a super sweet drag to them. Also, people don't want to bum them very often because they feel ridiculous. Being ridiculous is IN.
-Making your own silly pervy t-shirts. Especially if made with toxic inks and puff paint.

-Short shirts on girls. Can we PLEASE bring this back? They look hella good with high-waisted jeans which are also IN. Also XXXL shirts are in and if you wear enough of them you will be 100 pounds heaver.
-Selling your panties on craigslist and not getting caught. Writing me missed connections on craigslist. Getting free shit off craigslist or anywhere.
-Thermal underwear and multiple pairs of them at once. This has saved my ass from falling off SO MANY TIMES.
-Not complaining about the weather is also VERY IN. I know it's cold and I don't need to you to remind me.
-Getting money from your parents after age 18.

-Sensational Spelling. Slang. SoCal oldies.
-Satirical satanic symbolism.

- The word bastard.
- Triangles & Hyper cubes, but i don't know why

OUT:
-Swoshy bangs. I've got to be blunt and this haircut has to die.

BUT BLEACH BLOND HAIR IS VERY VERY VERY VERY in DUHHHHH.
-Hairy armpits. Come on girls, this might have been a statement for our parents generation, but we get the point. You are an empowered, liberated woman who doesn't need to comply with conventional aesthetic norms to be beautiful? It looks like you've got pussies under each arm. If your arms and chest are completely covered in hair you shouldn't shave your armpits, but armpit hair looks nasty if you're not Sasquatch. Also, those hairs are basically stanky odor retainers. Okay, you don't have to shave 'em completely, but at least trim that shit please.

-Fake mustaches on girls. Exception: doing it Hulk Hogan style, that's thrash. Also, waxing your body ANYWHERE is straight up masochism which is OUT. Men shaving anywhere but their face is OUT.
-Leather jackets. It's practically impossible to wear one without looking like a douche bag. Exception: leather jackets in bright colors, MAYBE.

- Ironic 9/11 t-shirts apparently?
-Gluten Allergies. They were the new fixed gears for a while, but you are crappy and crabby and obnoxious if you don't eat pizza & donuts. Pizza & donuts are IN.

 

I went to the rock show but my #1 crush wasn't there so I stood outside and ember to assed it, walked home to jerk off.

Did you know if you send soiled panties via USPS they are classified as BIOLOGICAL WASTE? 

I tried to sell used panties but they were flagged and removed from craigslist.com within 30 minutes.

Here are some of the replies I got in that 1/2hr:

Clifton McReynolds askes: "you can send a pic of your underware that you have forsale?" and  "just emailed asking for pic. how do you send your underware and do they still have any sent on them"

KMo1695779@aol.com: "let's see what you have to offer" and "Ok, are you different than the same ad from Seattle? if so, let's see what you have"

Milkman5am says: "No not unlegal sale used panties with germs smell yucky."

Craigslist says:

flagged & removed: 1498090695 (general) Slightly Used Panties

---

Your posting has been flagged for removal.
Approximately 98% of postings removed are in violation of craigslist posting guidelines.
Please make sure you are abiding by all posted site rules, including our terms of use:
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If your posting was wrongly flagged down (2% of flagged ads are) please accept our apologies and feel free to repost.
Sorry for the hassle, and thanks for your understanding.

brotally brosessed

these are really embroassing & consciously bad
brolimic
brokemon
nintendbro
maribro
broshi
casibro
brotice
brofile
brolific
brodom
debrodorant 
conbrosation
brostbrodern brose broetry
broganic
broca broger
broca-brola
bro'douls
metabrolism
brocaine
aphbrodisiac
brogasm
bronography
bromiscuous
brocreate
missed bronnection
vasectbromy
barack brobama
lindsey brohan
georgia  bro'keef
vincent van bro
bromones
brock n' broll
bro jams
minnebrota
broling alley
brody and the beast
bromometer
broken hymen



what are your favorite broism? 
 ^^that's a link^^

my mom says this blog is not interesting

I couldn't agree more:

 

hold tyte

In a moments notice I'm going to tell you true things about growing up.
Standby.