Monday, November 23, 2009

i'm going to get dead alone

I want to eat but I have no hunger. Fucking airport bullshit yesterday. Got there 4 hours before my flight departed with 4 cigarettes to my name and rapidly chain smoked my stock. Felt ultra insane after 2 sleepless nights. Sleep deprivation induced hallucinations. Tumultuous Turbulence. Feared for my life. Silence. Deep sleep. Nicotine withdrawals. Extreme agitation. Got home and did my best to explain "what are you doing with my life?" So many dogs with bad hair cuts; I can't even count them. Roof jumpers, all of them.Buddha is the best boy. My own haircuts keep getting worse. It doesn't take any confidence to look like a hot mess. Much Needed Sleep. Fucked up frightmares involving my mom getting knocked up by my brother, anti-abortionists, failed attempts at cruise ship escape, trying to borrow a camera to take pictures of professional wrestlers, violently sucking face of former fuck. Woke up to an empty house. No cars. Silence. My mom buys me cigarettes. "Do I look thinner?" You look... You look... You look. New teeth. Mine are falling out of my face. I don't want them anymore. "It hurts to be pretty." Trying really hard not to snark.

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